She and I shared laughs. We shared hugs. We shared faith. Now all he and I share is a Facebook-friendship. She and I went to the same church. I always thought she was slightly quirky but in the best way. She was the kind of person you could count on to be there every Sunday. The one you’d vent to and she’d somehow sympathize with despite not completely understanding your meaning. She was a friend that I lost.
He’s new. He remembers his old life but chooses to forget it. I’m stuck in his old life. He identifies me with the hurt and pain he felt trapped in the body of a girl. He sees me high-fiving her unfitting hands.
I recall admiring her new hair. A short pixie cut was how my mom and I saw it. He saw it as a step closer to being who he was.
Everyone talks about the struggle one goes through when they transition from man to woman or woman to man. Without a doubt the challenges and difficulties they face are unimaginable, but what about their friends? What about the people who knew them but now don’t? The ones that cherished the friendship, and now aren’t even acknowledged in the hallways?
I will never understand her, now him. I hate that I am associated with the hurt she once felt. The world is scary but I'm not. The world is not always accepting but I am.
Life hurts, friends help.
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